Sad day Friday

Friday will be a sad day as Uncle Ry-Ry leaves. Last night we had dinner together (I will load those photos later) and said Good-Bye to Uncle Ry-Ry. He is heading over to Iraq to serve! He will be in Washington State for a month of training and then will head over to Iraq.

The bad thing is that he will be gone for a full year.

The good thing is that he is military intelligence with non-lethal something or another- which means it is less 'dangerous'. I do think anything related to Iraq can be dangerous but we are glad he will be somewhat 'behind the scenes'.

This photo is Uncle Ry-Ry teaching Brandon how to play Rockband 2.

While Uncle Ry-Ry is gone Brandon will hold down the MN Gopher world with his special sweatshirt that matches Uncle Ry-Ry's.

Brandon will miss him and be excited when he gets home to show him how big he has gotten! He will be 1 when he comes home...almost 2! WOW!!!

We will miss you Uncle Ry-Ry.

Yes I crawl but sometimes I like to roll

F*&$!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I normally don't use harsh language on here but today I am SO PISSED. I am in major tears, super angry, and my blood is boiling with RAGE!!!!

I do some self-torture to myself by following a number of blogs. Many of mom blogs that are similar to my blogs are fun to read. I have been following a few with T18 babies- those that have passed away or still fighting T18. I admire these parents. Sometimes I get sad when I read these. They are sometimes filled with pain and sadness.

I have been following a blog of a young gal, Cora, that is about 2 months older than Brandon... she was born on March 5th. I have been following it for some time. They live in Kansas but for some reason there was a small connection. I think she is a female version of Brandon...content and happy- crabby with ear infections and teething-likes people-likes mommy and daddy- and she was even a cow for Halloween too! How funny...huh.

On January 12th Cora had her 3rd ear infection in a year (Brandon is on 2). They went in and got meds and were trying to take care of it. On January 25th or so they went in again to make sure the ear infection is cleared up (something we have done twice as well and it is tense just wanting to hear a clean bill of health for an ear infection). The doctors didn't like what they saw and ran a number of tests only to find out Cora had cancer. That was 15 days ago. She had surgery, was thrown into major chemotherapy, in and out and in and out of the hospital...

Yesterday morning Jesus came to take Cora. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

15 days ago it was a simple, stupid, dumb, loopy, wacky ear infection....that is all. We have all had them. I had them all the time when I was a kid. Brandon has had 2 already in his first year of life. Why can't it just be an ear infection. I get freaked out when it is just an ear infection and now I feel horrible for feeling that when this mom/family has gone to hell and back with 15 days of a major medical crisis.

Just look at her photos...she just reminds me SO much of Brandon. And now she is gone.

I am so mad...I don't know if I am mad at God for taking her or the doctors for not finding it soon enough or myself for following the story- but I have been following their story for months now. My blood is raging in my body. Why does this happen? Why to someone like this adorable girl? Why to any child? Why to anybody? I just don't understand sometimes.

Imagine losing your child in 15 days when you think it is a simple ear infection and then her entire body is engorged with cancer. I can't imagine having to go through this with Brandon. I am thinking if this was us I would be dehydrated from crying non-stop. I would probably crawl into a ball and bury my body under covers and not come out. I can't imagine.

My thoughts and prayers are with this family. My heart breaks for them. For some reason I feel like Brandon lost a friend- even if it was through comment sections on blogs. She isn't even my child- I haven't even met her but I want this girl back!

There are others that I have been following too that I am angry about- little Abby, a great dad- Andrew.

CONTEST TIME

So it is contest time! I am a HUGE bargain shopper. I love the clearance section of every store and I also love thrift stores. So- below is the damages of my recent trip to the thrift store. Here is what is included:

1- new diaper bag
1- hip hammock
9- books (including noise books)
1- Vtech book
1- jacket for Brandon
1- Polo for Brandon
1- New pair of Old Navy Jeans for Brandon
5- new scarfs for mom
1- new pair of mittens
1- Toy camera
1- Toy phone
1- Castle toy with balls (with hammer to pop the balls down)
1- VTech turtle toy with hoops- colors toy
1- Bag full of blocks
1- Elmo car toy

Everything works fully!

So, the contest is....reply in the comment section what you think I paid for all of this! Whomever comes closer gets a special prize from Brandon (okay and mom). This contest will be open until Wednesday, February 11th at noon central time.

If you have any questions- leave them in the comment section. Good Luck!

No next baby...anytime soon.

As much as the 'next baby' thought is bugging me we won't be doing the next baby for a while. My physical therapist spent 2 hours with me today and we talked about pregnancy. She thinks I need a good 6-9 months to get my back strong. She is 100% confident my back can get strong again. If I didn't do PT most likely another tear would have happened.

We are starting my back therapy in the pool. It is the safest and best way to start. I can't tolerate land therapy at this time. Yesterday and today were very painful days. With a tear and a disc bulge the worse thing is sitting. It puts tremendous pressure on the displaced disc which can hit nerves in your spine. Well the business trip I was just on was a 10 hour drive total with a day of sitting in meetings. I did take Vicodin but it didn't matter it was still painful. I fell asleep at 6am this morning from the pain. GRRR!!

The therapist read my MRI further and noticed areas where blood supply was cut off. With PT and my new Tense machine we should get blood supply to that location. I want to do pilates or other exercises but she said not to do any movement. Right now movement of my spine will make it worse. That is why she wants to start in the pool and with breathing exercises. My main issue is that my stomach muscles are very weak. This is partially because of delivering Brandon. My core area is very weak which means my back has to support almost the rest of my body. So I am working on building my core area. They are also going to put me on a table to stretch me (when I am ready to do it). This sometimes pops the disc back into place. That would be great if that happened.

My Tense machine is on quite a bit. I have to take breaks every 2 hours but it is helping a lot. I have used these before (the larger ones) at the chiropractors office. They stay on for 10-15 minutes and then they send me on my way. I guess it doesn't do much good with that low time. I was very impressed they were able to give me a machine to take with me and use. I just attach it to my belt loop and go. It is nice and small but the cords do hang out. I have noticed it helps a lot.

So- for now we will work hard on strengthening my back. We will save up more money. We will get things at home more organized (I like no clutter but moving in, being sick, and caring for an infant means the house takes the back burner).

Rob and I talked about the next baby- we will try for the next one once I get the ok from my therapist and my back is at least 75% better. We both agree we want our girl (but we will take any healthy baby).

Brandon is having a few rough days. His top 2 teeth have literaly poked through the last few days. I know that is painful for him. He is knawing at everything- his nuk and bottles. He has a up and down temp and meds are helping with that and the pain.

He is saying WOW alot too.

I will post some great photos soon.

On my mind...but mostly on my heart...

I have to confess something that has been on my mind but mostly tugging at my heart almost 24/7 the last few weeks....and being back in a hospital for work and seeing 3 families being discharged with their new bundle of joy...only tops those thoughts even more.

I am DYING DYING DYING to have another baby. I have done research and searches about when a good time is and what is a good age gap between the two. I have been praying about it. I have been running our financial numbers. I have been planning the car situation. I have been journaling Brandons sleep patterns (we need him to sleep through the night before we have another one). I have an appointment with a physical therapist tomorrow and I will discuss with them what a pregnancy would do to my back. They have me on a strict PT schedule because people with a tear like mine can easily add another tear or tear the current one further. I have an apt with my OB to also talk about it. Typically Drs. say to wait 18 months to allow your cervix to heal a bit and because I did hemorrage and significantly tear when I delivered Brandon I want to get a medical opinion about having another. I also have some precancerous cells that we need to worry about and get an opinion about as well- not for the babies sake but for my sake for a safe pregnancy for me and post baby health.

Rob is ready and willing any time. I am trying to be the practical one...and logical one. My head is over analyzing every minute, dollar, muscle, moment. My heart is crying to become a mommy of two. I wonder if it is fair for Brandon...I don't want to 'jip' him out of our love and attention. I wonder if Rob and I have enough love for two children. I do hear moms worrying about that but when the baby comes it is amazing how much love there is to give. Maria and I were talking about it on our business trip and she just pushes me more. She says I could never just have one..or even two. I have to agree with her. I can see us having 3 or 4.

I think I will pray about it a bit more...stop thinking about planning for each step. No matter what...we will have more and the time will eventually come.

Simple Photos