F*&$!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I normally don't use harsh language on here but today I am SO PISSED. I am in major tears, super angry, and my blood is boiling with RAGE!!!!

I do some self-torture to myself by following a number of blogs. Many of mom blogs that are similar to my blogs are fun to read. I have been following a few with T18 babies- those that have passed away or still fighting T18. I admire these parents. Sometimes I get sad when I read these. They are sometimes filled with pain and sadness.

I have been following a blog of a young gal, Cora, that is about 2 months older than Brandon... she was born on March 5th. I have been following it for some time. They live in Kansas but for some reason there was a small connection. I think she is a female version of Brandon...content and happy- crabby with ear infections and teething-likes people-likes mommy and daddy- and she was even a cow for Halloween too! How funny...huh.

On January 12th Cora had her 3rd ear infection in a year (Brandon is on 2). They went in and got meds and were trying to take care of it. On January 25th or so they went in again to make sure the ear infection is cleared up (something we have done twice as well and it is tense just wanting to hear a clean bill of health for an ear infection). The doctors didn't like what they saw and ran a number of tests only to find out Cora had cancer. That was 15 days ago. She had surgery, was thrown into major chemotherapy, in and out and in and out of the hospital...

Yesterday morning Jesus came to take Cora. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

15 days ago it was a simple, stupid, dumb, loopy, wacky ear infection....that is all. We have all had them. I had them all the time when I was a kid. Brandon has had 2 already in his first year of life. Why can't it just be an ear infection. I get freaked out when it is just an ear infection and now I feel horrible for feeling that when this mom/family has gone to hell and back with 15 days of a major medical crisis.

Just look at her photos...she just reminds me SO much of Brandon. And now she is gone.

I am so mad...I don't know if I am mad at God for taking her or the doctors for not finding it soon enough or myself for following the story- but I have been following their story for months now. My blood is raging in my body. Why does this happen? Why to someone like this adorable girl? Why to any child? Why to anybody? I just don't understand sometimes.

Imagine losing your child in 15 days when you think it is a simple ear infection and then her entire body is engorged with cancer. I can't imagine having to go through this with Brandon. I am thinking if this was us I would be dehydrated from crying non-stop. I would probably crawl into a ball and bury my body under covers and not come out. I can't imagine.

My thoughts and prayers are with this family. My heart breaks for them. For some reason I feel like Brandon lost a friend- even if it was through comment sections on blogs. She isn't even my child- I haven't even met her but I want this girl back!

There are others that I have been following too that I am angry about- little Abby, a great dad- Andrew.