Things I need to post about

I have a lot to post about....my main goal this week is to write out the story of Brandon's birth. I have told it verbally many times but never wrote it out on paper. I want to do that before I forget since it was 9 months ago already.

Other things I need to write about...

1- Brandon crawling
2- Moms day off
3- Brandon meeting his great-grandparents in Grand Rapids, MN and his first 'big' trip without Mom and Dad- just him and Gma and Gpa went.
4- Brandon's new foods
5- Our newly changed house
6- Brandon's new room
7- My back update
8- Brandon's new words he is saying (or attempting to say)
9- God and Motherhood and spirituality
10- Upcoming Birthdays and plans!
11- Brandon's new favorites
12- LOTS of new photos and even some videos

However, tonight I am going to try hard to get some rest. I am really worried about the day tomorrow. I am meeting again with my neurosurgeon for our next steps. My back is worse again and I am worried the next step is surgery. I know it is getting worse because I am feeling it in my legs and butt and even my bladder. (Long Medical Story). This means the disc is close to or is hitting a nerve near my spinal column. I have been great at past surgeries and not too worried. Even when I was 17 weeks pregnant with bear and had to have my gal bladder out- I wasn't too scared but for some reason this back issue is really worrying me. Last night when Rob got home at 9:30 I just broke down and finally admitted to him that I am really scared about it. I think it is because Brandon is here now and I am responsible for caring for him. How can I be a good mom when I can't lift him or pick him up for months after my surgery. I am going to be in more pain after the surgery. I will be putting a lot on Rob's shoulders. I am sad that I will miss something like part of him growing up. Just being gone from him for 10 hours he has changed and has added a new expression and sound. Grandma worked hard today teaching him how to give kisses. I guess I am worried about the process and pain and not being able to care for my family. For me to slow down and stop is very hard.

On a side note- Amy's birthday was yesterday. She would have been 35. I have been in communication with her husband, Warren. He gives me hope when I think about my possible back surgery. Imagine fighting stage 4 breast cancer with 2 little ones. I get so much inspiration from Amy even though she passed away a month ago. Remember the WWJD bracelets. Sometimes when I am so overwhelmed I do a WWAD? And wonder what she would do. Yes, I pray to God and believe in Him but sometimes I just talk to Amy and I feel like she gets me and understands. It is amazing how one woman whom I never met has touched my life and my role as a mother so much. I know I am not the only one!

I will try and write the other items soon. I will also try and update when I know more after my 1:30 Dr. apt. I am also on facebook and update my status on there when I can.

Happy Monday!