Please...no more nose boogies....

We are hanging in there tonight.

Brandon is doing better. I think the meds have kicked in. He was fussy throughout the day- more than usual.

He woke early and we ate breakfast...I ate...he didn't. Dad had to work today.

At 10am is his morning nap. He went right down and fell asleep. Once he woke up he played and was doing well. I got ready and decided we needed to get out of the house for at least an hour. I decided to hit the thrift stores (my favorite places). I found one pair of jam-jams for a buck. Brandon dozed off and on. However, I didn't like how he was looking. He was white as a ghost and his eyes are sunken in and red. He was very lethargic. He wasn't fussy as long as we kept moving and grooving. We got home and ate lunch...he ate and ate and ate. I was SO happy. He had a zwibeck toast and got it all over him so I gave him a bath which he loves. After his bath we both napped. I really wanted to cuddle with him in my bed but I knew I had to stick to his crib. I laid him down and he started crying. I left for a while...but something felt wrong. I went back in and picked him up (something I try NOT to do). He rested his head on my shoulder and we rocked. I soaked in the moment. I sat there thinking about making this a memory I won't forget. I just etched the feeling of his sleepy body laying on mine and how his crying meant he just wanted mommy and some love. He fell asleep and I put him back in his crib.

I decided to nap as well. I crawled into bed and missed Brandon. Even though he is in the next room- I miss him terribly. For some odd reason the last couple days with him being sick I just want to be with him all the time. I have to work hard at letting Dad have his turn too and not over-stepping my mommy boundaries. I just feel like these last couple of days we have made a stronger connection and bond. My sweet sweet boy!

Dad came home from work and we ran to Sams Club! We grabbed our 'last dinner out' as we are going to set a goal for Jan. to not eat out at all...no dinners out, no fast food, no Caribou. So tonight we celebrated our last night out! We got home and Brandon went down around 9ish. He woke up a bit ago and was wide awake. I was so proud of myself that I kept my butt in bed and let dad handle it. He is now resting in his crib and doing well. We can tell he really likes his room and crib and getting more and more comfortable with it.

As for a back update....because Brandon was sick I cancelled my Friday apt. with the neurosurgeon. This was fine because I shouldn't have had that apt in the first place they said. The RN said I need to wait another 2 weeks for a follow up with her. When I asked why she said that sometimes the steroid injections take that long to kick in. Odd? However, I can tell there has been some change in the back pain. There are times when I lift something and I can feel the pain but for the most part it has gone down significantly. Thank Goodness! This means I won't have to do surgery. If the pain comes back (most likely it won't- statistics show many patients only need one ESI to get relief) I can always go in for another ESI. They aren't too bad. It is a few seconds of pain when the needle hits the nerve in your spinal region. I will go back to the neurosurgeon in a few weeks. I still have pain meds and muscle relaxors. I have become dependent on those at night when the pain hits the worst. I have decided to start weening off of the meds now that the ESI is working. I only take the meds at night to help take pain away and help me sleep so we will see how weening off of them works. I am VERY happy though that I won't need the surgery. When she first mentioned we needed to try the shot first I almost laughed in her face. I have heard this story over and over- shots don't help. When she asked at my last apt. what route I would take I just started crying and said I just want to do ONE thing a day where I don't think about my back. If my sister wants to go to the movies- I can't go if my back is bad. If I have to drive a lot that day...my back will be hard. If I have cleaning to do or sometimes just getting dressed can be painful. I almost wanted to just tell her to do the surgery so I can get relief. I am glad the ESI worked. I guess since it isn't just another cortizone shot or pain type of shot it works better. Now I won't have to do the surgery- which is good. A icky hospital stay, bone graph, and in a brace for about 9 months is no fun. I will take the shot!

Time to try and get some sleep.